My body is doing some really interesting stuff. The last time my body did this I was changing my entire life in such a way that I couldn’t eat or sleep and lost such a noticeable amount of weight that to anyone who knew me I was like a neon flashing sign saying – ME!!! OVER HERE!!! some MAJOR SHIT is changing and I can’t friggin hide it from you cause my body won’t let me!!! — I dare say that i think I’m in something that seismic AGAIN!! That was 8 years ago…
And people are looking at me soooo funny. Like with their head tilted to one side, trying to figure out what it is exactly that is sooo different. Like they can’t quite place the energy they are seeing and can’t fit me back into the slot I’m supposed to go in. And really, it just makes me want to grin… cause they so have no idea…
And inside I am screaming! How can the world just continue to go about it’s business when I have all these volcanic rumblings going on inside me?
And I’m also fascinated. Like, “hey body, I know something major, major is up and how can I facilitate more ease with this? Oh, and by the way? How long do you think you will be on this minimal eating/sleeping thing? Just curious. It’s kind of getting embarrassing… and a little alarming?”
And truthfully, it’s not just the weight loss or the lack of sleep. It’s all kinds of things up for grabs like – nails, hair, makeup, jewelry, clothing. You see, 8 years ago, when i got divorced and began a relationship with a woman I changed everything. And now, it’s time to change everything again. The commitments I bought into 8 years ago – never have long hair, never have long nails, never wear makeup, never wear dresses, never dress up, never feel too sexy… just aren’t working for me anymore. I want things I haven’t wanted in a very long time.
I’m a hider by nature. Goes back lifetimes….I relish in the hiding. I’m super comfortable there. I hide all kinds of stuff – but mostly how I’m feeling from the people I’m closest to, as well as my deepest, darkest desires that don’t fit so well into the life I have created. I lock it all up inside and then get really, really busy (and resentful) so I never have to deal with what’s true.
But then I mixed in an awful lot of Access classes and an awful lot of Access people and … Rebellion and enlightenment. My body is saying “nope, I ain’t playing that game anymore…and I ain’t hiding your SHIT anymore.You can still try to hide but I am no longer going to be your accomplice and I’m not hiding it for you.”
And part of me is thrilled! “Ok, body, I see what you’re doing. I will go with this… for a little while.. and see where we end up. I know you are wanting change, demanding it really, and I’m willing to indulge you as best I can, for now… ”
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Heather Karian Nichols hell yes! how brilliant is your body? When I allow my body to create and show me what it knows and what is possible….it always creates SO much more!! EJ&G to you and your amazing body heart emoticon -
Stephanie Schoordijk So cool what your body can do! How can you follow suit eh? My body lets me feel how it wants to look, and I’m still working on losing my old eating habits (80% for others). Hdigab? -
Lara Khatchikian Simply massive gratitude for you Amy and this post!!!! Thank you. -
Blossom Benedict Vanderpol Are you sure you want to ask to sleep and eat more? What if that is a huge gift and awareness. I’ll have more of that. Humanoid embodiment baby! Sexy Amy! -
Amy Hirsch Thank you Blossom – as usual, a perspective I never even considered! -
Pattie Curry Amy, you are amazing. I love your vulnerability, your openness and your energy. And I love that you are listening and creating with your body!!! smile emoticon
amy in the raw 