What is it about writing that makes me shake? Actually, it’s not really shaking per say, it’s more like trembling… I feel it in my whole body when I am expressing myself through writing and having the awareness that I am about to be seen in a way that is personal, private, and usually hidden.

Granted, there is some fear attached – Ok, so there’s massive fear attached -What will people think when they read my posts? What judgements am I anticipating? What’s going to happen to me when people actually see me and know what’s really going on with me? What happened to “silence is golden?”

Maybe I should just go back to keeping my hands still (so I won’t type) and my awarenesses locked up somewhere in me so that I stay completely safe, and so I don’t put anything else out there! I’ve done an entire body scan – we are still in one piece and maybe we should just stop now while we’re ahead.

I mean, it started out to be so fun and invigorating! I posted a few things in this 30 Day Body Challenge group and on my Facebook page. So nice, aren’t I brave!! But then I realized that those few posts didn’t satisfy me permanently. Meaning, I didn’t just stop changing and observing and knowing because I posted a few things. I obviously wasn’t “done”. So what else could I put out there?

But wait a minute!! What am I signing up for here? It feels like a huge ocean tidal wave is totally about to just take me under. You know when you’re out in the ocean and you see this little wave coming at you at first way, way off in the distance? And then it grows and grows and grows and you are just standing there knowing that at this point, you can’t outrun it, and it’s coming right for you so you just get ready and do the best you can with all that massive ENERGY and Explosion?

I even tried to take a “break”. Let’s just go on about our lives and forget about all this posting stuff. Maybe I can go rescue another horse to get my mind off it (another story) and engage these creative juices in old ways that used to take my mind off what was really going on. Forget that I even opened this Facebook can of worms!! But one of my good friends asked me to keep posting, said she liked them. Great!! I can totally blame it on her!! I had to post more, she wanted me to! She’s not even an access person, so it is my obligation to keep “talking” to her about all things conscious… It’s not my fault that observations and awarenesses are pouring off of me like an exploding fire hydrant!!

And I think what started to trip me out was when I got overly aware of WHO and how many might be reading my stuff instead of remembering WHO I was writing it for in the first place!! I started writing for ME. Because I CAN. Because it completely takes me over and is all there is while I’m doing it. Because my ability to write and communicate has mostly been hiding deep inside me waiting for me to discover and embrace and open this particular door which opens to the MAGIC of ME.

And if a bunch of Access Consciousness classes and magical people have helped me unlock all this really cool, creative, and previously hidden stuff within me, and if a bunch of people who I don’t even know yet and maybe some that I do, get exposed to my journey on the way to consciousness and creating and receiving the most phenomenal life ever…. then how does it get better than that??!?!

So what would it take for me to embrace the hugeness of my self expression and the magic of me for all eternity?